Being Cheated On

³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

¹¹"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

John 8:3-11 (NIV)

Today's passage is third in a three-day series. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. Today's verse is for people who have been cheated on.

You may be surprised by the verse I chose. I think it is appropriate when you are hurt by someone else to take a step back before going on the offensive. Jesus did say that if your spouse commits adultery you can divorce them. But is that what we should do? And what about dating? In today's passage, Jesus tells us that we shouldn't be accusing others unless we too are blameless.

As painful as it is, a relationship takes two. It takes two to make work and it takes two to mess up. Having someone cheat on you hurts, and abandoning the relationship seems like the easy thing to do sometimes. If you've been dating for a month when you are cheated on, you probably don't want to be in that relationship. Cheating is a hard thing to recover from and it requires a past history of trust and a lot of unconditional love.

If you have a long relationship and you are cheated on, look at why it happened. Is the relationship recoverable? If so then that is probably the right course of action. Hard times include those that are self-inflicted. Ultimately it may not be an easy decision, and you may not be able to make it work; but your first response should be to try to forgive.

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Cheating On Someone

But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)

Today's verse is second in a three-day series. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. Today's verse is for people who are thinking of cheating on someone else.

This verse provides wisdom for those think of cheating on their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. If you are so unhappy in your relationship that you will consider cheating, why are you still in that relationship? People who cheat are often looking for consolation and attention. The attention that they end up getting is often negative and hurtful. You can destroy your relationship not only with your significant other, but with friends and family who get caught in the crossfire.

If you are truly unhappy in your relationship, then you should resolve that relationship before moving onto a new one. As I mentioned yesterday, if you start a relationship by cheating, you are eroding the trust for your new relationship before it even starts because you both know that you cheated. If you are dating, ending the relationship should be relatively easy if you feel that is the right thing to do. It will still be painful, but you will be ready to move on.

If you are living with someone, the situation is more complicated. Living together is making a commitment - one that is not easily broken. You should examine why you want to leave. If it's for greener pastures, you are likely to be disappointed after the painful experience of moving out.

If you are married, you have made a commitment before your friends, God and your spouse to stick it out through thick and thin. You should examine why you're so willing to go back on that now. If you are willing to break your word this time, chances are you will be again. Only 30% of first marriages fail. 75% of second marriages fail. When you make that commitment, it is one that should be taken seriously. Jesus tells us the only acceptable reason for divorce is if you are cheated on. That doesn't mean that cheating is a get out of marriage free pass.

Cheating is ultimately a destructive choice for your relationships - both present and future. Keep that in mind when you are contemplating it.

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Cheating With Someone

²⁷"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)

Today's verse starts another three-day series due to absence. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. So this series is addressed in three parts to the three people in that kind of relationship. The first who are thinking of cheating with someone else. The second is for people who are thinking of cheating on someone else. The third for those who are being cheated on. I imagine these lessons will be painful for some, but I hope they will serve as guideposts for others if they are ever in this kind of situation in the future.

Today's verse is about cheating in our hearts. When you look at someone and think, "I want to be with that person," you are laying the groundwork for making that happen. You are thinking about how to make that happen - what to say and how to act. When that person is already with someone, you are tempting yourself to cheat.

Does this verse mean Jesus expects us to never look at anyone else and wonder, "what if?" I don't think so. But when you find yourself falling for someone in a relationship, and they feel the same, you have a responsibility to be mature about it. You should encourage the other person to end their former relationship before they start a new one with you. If they're just dating, this may be relatively simple. If they are married, then this should take some prayerful consideration on their part about why they want a divorce (more on this tomorrow.)

If the person is not willing to get out of their old relationship, this should be a signal to you that you are not that important to them. If the excitement of a new relationship is because of the cheating, then there isn't a real relationship there to begin with. The other reason for ending the old before beginning the new is if you start your relationship by cheating, you are destroying the trust in your new relationship. You both will know that the other is capable of cheating. You will both be suspicious of the other. That's not a good way to start a relationship.

Ultimately though, you should consider stepping back. It's ok to have feelings for someone. What you do with them is the important thing. You should avoid getting between other peoples' relationships. We are called to build each other up, not tear each other down. In today's verse Jesus warns us about thinking and day dreaming about cheating. Once you start thinking about it, it's easier to do it. So try not to think about it. Easy? Perhaps not always, but in the end it's the best thing for you and them.

http://kairosverse.blogspot.com