Friend Dumped

³⁵ Jesus wept.
John 11:35 (ESV)

Ever had a friend just decide that they don't want to be friends anymore?  They may blow up at you, they may tell you they don't have time for you, or just fade away out of your life and start ignoring you.  I looked for verses in the Bible that dealt with this, and one was the "shortest verse in the Bible".  Jesus wept.

At first I was like, that doesn't apply.  He was crying because Lazarus was dead.  He was grieving over the loss of a friend who had died.  And yet, he knew what he was going to do.  He knew that Lazarus would be alive again.  Yet he still wept.  He still grieved.  And so the lesson to me here was, even when it seems silly - even when it seems like a pointless gesture - sometimes you have to grieve, because that is how you feel.  Jesus wasn't crying because he would never see his friend again.  He was crying because he was sad.  He had suffered a loss.

Sometimes, you just gotta grieve.

Every time someone walks out of my life, it is intensely painful to me.  I do not handle rejection well.  I always internalize it and endlessly examine what I might have done wrong to make someone not want to be my friend anymore.  One of the things I have learned through swing dancing is that rejection is not about you - it's about them.  There can be a lot of reasons for rejection.  Whatever the issue - it's not yours.

If a relationship is worth saving, someone will go through the effort of explaining their issue with you and resolving it.  If they aren't willing to put in the effort, then they're not the friend you thought they were.  That doesn't mean they're not worth the effort though.

Our society puts a lot of emphasis on cutting and running when things get tough.  Movies tell us everything should have a happy ending.  TV shows tell us that if a relationship is bumpy, it's better to break up - if a marriage isn't working, get a divorce.  Any relationship takes two people.  If one is done, there is nothing you can do.

So you must move on.  And weep.


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Height and Depth

³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

I took this picture in Brazil.  It immediately brought this verse to mind.  It was a lonely time for me - three weeks in a foreign country on business and no one to talk to because my Internet didn't work.  Seeing this cliff over the sea evoked the idea of height and depth and reminded me that even in the midst of a place where I knew no one, God was still there.  In fact, off to the left of the frame, across the water, was a giant statue of Jesus called Christ the Redeemer.

To me, this picture is a reminder that we all feel far from God and our fellow man, but that He is always there.

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Speak, for your servant is listening.

Rio De Janeiro Coastline as seen from the MAC

 ¹ The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions.
 ² One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. ³ The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the house of the LORD, where the ark of God was. ⁴ Then the LORD called Samuel.
   Samuel answered, “Here I am.” ⁵ And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down.
 ⁶ Again the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   “My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.”
 ⁷ Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.
 ⁸ A third time the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. ⁹ So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
 ¹⁰ The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
   Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

1 Samuel: 1-10

I was thinking about this verse today and I thought I'd write about it.  Lately I have felt like Samuel.  I hear God's call, and yet I do not know how to answer it.  When I move towards that call, things seem bright and easy.  When I move away from it, things seem dark and difficult.

I have heard that depression is anger turned inwards.  We become depressed because we are angry with ourselves.  When we are depressed, we do things that upset us even more.  It can be something as simple as being lazy and sleeping all day.  Then we look back on that wasted time, or those mistakes and we grow angrier with ourselves.  There are drugs and therapy that can help with those things, but the realization that you're doing this yourself isn't always enough to solve the problem.  You can't "snap out of it".  And yet people who have not been depressed cannot understand.

I think God understands, and that is why he calls us.  Not just so that we can do good, but so that we can feel good.  He forgives us our sins, big and little and he points us in a direction where we can say, "I feel happy about what I did today."

I hear the call, and yet I am still working on being still and just listening.

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Are you my neighbor?

 ¹⁵ " 'Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.
 ¹⁶ " 'Do not go about spreading slander among your people.
      " 'Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.
 ¹⁷ " 'Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.
 ¹⁸ " 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Leviticus 19:15-18 (NIV)

I've been reading Christ In Our Home, a daily devotional that Pastor David Penman, the chaplain for Kairos this year, gave to the Kairos planning group.  At first I didn't want to steal from it, but I've decided to share my thoughts based on where the devotional leads me.

Today the discussion was about how sometimes when we love others as ourselves, we are doing a pretty bad job because we don't love ourselves all that well.  The good news is that God loves me even when I don't love myself.

This got me thinking . . . all those times when Jesus is talking about our neighbor, he's not just talking about our friends - or even our enemies - he's also talking about ourselves.  The above verses jumped out at me as an instruction manual on how to deal with depression.  Depression is often caused by being angry with yourself.  Verse fifteen says, don't be too hard on yourself.  This doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset when you do something wrong, but don't berate yourself endlessly for the mistakes you've made.

Verse sixteen is pretty straightforward.  Don't kill yourself.  Seems like kind of a "no duh" thing to say, but placed with the slander part it also seems to talk to the idea that people who are mad at themselves sometimes go out of their way to ask for trouble.  Don't do things that are dangerous just because they are dangerous.

In verse seventeen we get straight to the heart of the matter: "'Do not hate your brother in your heart."  You cannot hold onto the anger.  There's a popular saying, "Hate the sin, not the sinner."  This distinction is important when you're looking inward at your own sin.  We are hardest on ourselves.  But until we can separate ourselves from the sin and say, "That's not who I have to be."  The sin continues to hold power over us.  "Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt."  Own up to what you have done.  Really examine it, and make a decision to change your behavior - and then rely on the Lord to help you.

This brings us to verse eighteen.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  When Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is, this verse from Leviticus is what he quotes as number two, after "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind."  Number two is love your neighbor as yourself.  Where to begin?  You start with yourself.  You love yourself so that you can love others.  God will always give us more love, so don't forget to hold onto some for yourself when you're giving it away.  Trust in the Lord.

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Weeping for Our Home

1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.

2 There on the poplars
we hung our harps,

3 for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"

4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?

5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill .

6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.

Psalm 137:1-6 (New International Version)

But if I weep let be as a man that is longing for his home.
- Rich Mullins, If I Stand

This passage makes me think of how we often forget how awesome heaven is in comparison to where we are now. When we enjoy where we are - and what we're doing - we lose sight of our ultimate goal. At the same time, this verse says to me - anything you weep for, it is less than the grief of not being in heaven. It is both a comfort and a warning.

It is very easy to say, "Try your best and you will go to Heaven." It's a comforting thing to think. However that is a simplification of the concept of grace. This verse speaks poetically of the woe of those far from their homes. God's grace gives us a place in heaven and the Bible tells us what our response should be.

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A song of ascents.

© Alyssa Grabinski

A song of ascents.

¹ When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
² Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
³ The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
⁴ Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
⁵ Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
⁶ He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
Psalm 126 (New International Version)

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to you
If I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs

- Rich Mullins, If I Stand

Today's verse is about how God turns our sorrow to joy. Even in the midst of our sadness, he can turn things around. Those are words of comfort when we are sad or depressed. Rich Mullins' lyrics say, "Even if I can't sing about joy in my life now Lord, I can still rejoice in the joy that brought me to you." His grace is abundant, and it is always there to catch us when we fall.

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Being Faithful to Friends

A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends,
even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 (NIV)

Today's verse goes with yesterday's. I found it last week when I was going through the Bible looking for verses about the word "despair". We often talk about how the old testament and new testament are both part of the Bible - and yet as Christians we seem to spend most of our time in the new testament. What struck me about this verse is how it echoes many of the things I've read in the new testament.

This verse talks about not forsaking your friends, no matter what. When they can't ask God for help, you do it for them. When they can't believe, you still believe in them. Jesus said we must also love our enemies, not just those who love us. But we still should be loving our friends.

One of the side-effects for me of reading this verse is I started writing down my prayers. When they ask for other petitions in church, I have a list of names I go through in my head. I generally know what I'm praying for, and so does God. But I realized that I had so much more to say, even for those people. So I started writing them down in my datebook, which has all this space for notes I haven't been using. I carry it with me always, and when I'm praying I can pull it out and read it to remind me of people I want to pray for, and it reminds me what I'm praying about sometimes too. :)

Really though, this verse reminds me of the people who asked me what was wrong and listened and offered me support. I also want to thank everyone who reads these and let's me know that they appreciate it. I started these for two people, myself being one of them. I realize though that encouragement to continue is helpful after a while though. :) So to everyone who supports me, thank you.

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Take Comfort in God

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come
to you.

John 14:18 (KJV)

Today's verse was inspired by Grace Day, who is dealing with a breakup. As I searched for words of comfort on these Internets, I found the above verse. The verse is about Jesus coming back after His death. It speaks to me of more however. Not just of His second coming, but of the fact that he is always with us. We can turn to Him and He will comfort us.

In those times when you're feeling lonely, rejected, sad, as if no one cared for you - remember that God does care for you. God will not leave you comfortless. He will come to you. These are words of hope when we are down and at our worse. God loves us. He died on the cross for our sins. Nothing and no one is beneath His notice. When you are sad He is there with you. He has nowhere else more important to be.

Today's picture is entitled "Rain on a Rose". I chose it because it depicts to me sadness and hope in the same picture. The rain drops are like tears on the petals. The black and white colors make this a stark and lonely picture. And yet at the same time the rose is white, full of light and hopeful. The rain does not take anything away from the rose. In fact it enhances its beauty. Soon it will dry in the rays of the sun and the rain drops will be but a memory...

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