Friend Dumped

³⁵ Jesus wept.
John 11:35 (ESV)

Ever had a friend just decide that they don't want to be friends anymore?  They may blow up at you, they may tell you they don't have time for you, or just fade away out of your life and start ignoring you.  I looked for verses in the Bible that dealt with this, and one was the "shortest verse in the Bible".  Jesus wept.

At first I was like, that doesn't apply.  He was crying because Lazarus was dead.  He was grieving over the loss of a friend who had died.  And yet, he knew what he was going to do.  He knew that Lazarus would be alive again.  Yet he still wept.  He still grieved.  And so the lesson to me here was, even when it seems silly - even when it seems like a pointless gesture - sometimes you have to grieve, because that is how you feel.  Jesus wasn't crying because he would never see his friend again.  He was crying because he was sad.  He had suffered a loss.

Sometimes, you just gotta grieve.

Every time someone walks out of my life, it is intensely painful to me.  I do not handle rejection well.  I always internalize it and endlessly examine what I might have done wrong to make someone not want to be my friend anymore.  One of the things I have learned through swing dancing is that rejection is not about you - it's about them.  There can be a lot of reasons for rejection.  Whatever the issue - it's not yours.

If a relationship is worth saving, someone will go through the effort of explaining their issue with you and resolving it.  If they aren't willing to put in the effort, then they're not the friend you thought they were.  That doesn't mean they're not worth the effort though.

Our society puts a lot of emphasis on cutting and running when things get tough.  Movies tell us everything should have a happy ending.  TV shows tell us that if a relationship is bumpy, it's better to break up - if a marriage isn't working, get a divorce.  Any relationship takes two people.  If one is done, there is nothing you can do.

So you must move on.  And weep.


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Being Faithful to Friends

A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends,
even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 (NIV)

Today's verse goes with yesterday's. I found it last week when I was going through the Bible looking for verses about the word "despair". We often talk about how the old testament and new testament are both part of the Bible - and yet as Christians we seem to spend most of our time in the new testament. What struck me about this verse is how it echoes many of the things I've read in the new testament.

This verse talks about not forsaking your friends, no matter what. When they can't ask God for help, you do it for them. When they can't believe, you still believe in them. Jesus said we must also love our enemies, not just those who love us. But we still should be loving our friends.

One of the side-effects for me of reading this verse is I started writing down my prayers. When they ask for other petitions in church, I have a list of names I go through in my head. I generally know what I'm praying for, and so does God. But I realized that I had so much more to say, even for those people. So I started writing them down in my datebook, which has all this space for notes I haven't been using. I carry it with me always, and when I'm praying I can pull it out and read it to remind me of people I want to pray for, and it reminds me what I'm praying about sometimes too. :)

Really though, this verse reminds me of the people who asked me what was wrong and listened and offered me support. I also want to thank everyone who reads these and let's me know that they appreciate it. I started these for two people, myself being one of them. I realize though that encouragement to continue is helpful after a while though. :) So to everyone who supports me, thank you.

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Faithful Friends

There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged him to place his hand on the man.

Mark 7:32 (NIV)

Today's verse is from yesterday's gospel lesson. It stuck out to me because of a few things. First, because my pastor pointed out in his sermon today that the man didn't asked to be healed. It was the faith of the man's friends that brought him to Jesus. They brought him to be healed. Second, because of the discussions I've been having with many people over the past two weeks.

I have been having a crisis of faith. Not about whether I believe in God, but in what I feel God is calling me to do. Partly it was brought on by the recent division that has sprung up in the church. But I think that issue was masking the other issue - which was my own self-imposed deadlines on doing paperwork to get ready for seminary. What I realized is that I have been trying to make things happen in my time, instead of God's. The same issue I was having with our church is one that I realized was tearing me up on a personal level.

What I learned tonight in a discussion with Juliet Hutchins, is what I need to be asking God for in my prayers. It isn't, "What do you want me to do?" That's pretty clear to me in both my internal and external call. (By which I mean that I feel like God wants me to be a pastor and it's what I want to do, and that people think I would be a good pastor and tell me so.) What I need to be asking, is, "How do you want me to do it?"

I believe that got me through the last two weeks was not my own faith or my own prayers, because I had nothing to say and no will to pray. Instead it was the prayers of others for me. They knew what to pray, even though I did not. Those prayers saw me through. The faith of others helped me, and I just had to share that. After two weeks of not having a Bible verse to share, I suddenly had one I just had to share.

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Pray for One Another

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

Romans 15:30 (NIV)

These words were written by Paul, and they are a reminder that we all need friends. We need help and support and prayer from them. We cannot do things on our own. At Kairos, Nicole and I split our small group into pairs for prayer partners. We ask people to tell each other what's going on in their lives. Then we ask them to pray for each other. It's something people usually aren't sure about but end up enjoying. It's something that's easy to do when you're there, but I doubt many people pray with their friends when they are home.

If you're like me, even suggesting to say grace when you're at lunch with your friends can feel a bit daunting. Especially if they're not all Christian. However usually if you suggest saying Grace, people agree. Though you usually get the joy of praying. ;) So the next time you're at lunch with friends, suggest saying Grace. It doesn't have to be long. "Thank you God," is easy enough to say. If your courage isn't quite there, considering bowing your own head for a moment and silently praying, "Thank you God." You'd be surprised the effect it can have on people.

If someone's having a bad day, you might consider praying with them as well. It sounds hokey, but it helps. It also tells the person you care enough to go out on a limb like that for them.

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True Friendship

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)

Today's verse is inspired by Katie Gross. We haven't talked much this summer because we've both been busy. I got a note in the mail today that lifted my spirits in the middle of a rough week. I texted her to thank her to it and we caught up. A good friend is one that will pick you up when you fall, no matter how long it's been since you talked with them. Most of my best friends have moved away as I've grown up, but even if we haven't talked for months, I can call them up and talk to them. We pick up where we left off. We're there for each other.

Jesus is like that. It doesn't matter if we've forgotten about Him, gotten too busy for Him, or even have turned away from Him. He is always ready to catch up with us. He is always ready to support us. He never holds grudges if we haven't had time for Him, but is always happy to see us when we come back. One of the four Greek words we translate into "love" is philia. It is brotherly love. It is friendship. It is the love of someone who is there for you when you need them.

Not only does God provide people in our lives that we can turn to, but He is also there for us - one of our best friends. He was such a good friend that He gave his life for us so that we would not have to suffer eternal torment. How awesome is that?

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