Speak, for your servant is listening.

Rio De Janeiro Coastline as seen from the MAC

 ¹ The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions.
 ² One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. ³ The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the house of the LORD, where the ark of God was. ⁴ Then the LORD called Samuel.
   Samuel answered, “Here I am.” ⁵ And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down.
 ⁶ Again the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   “My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.”
 ⁷ Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.
 ⁸ A third time the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
   Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. ⁹ So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
 ¹⁰ The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
   Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

1 Samuel: 1-10

I was thinking about this verse today and I thought I'd write about it.  Lately I have felt like Samuel.  I hear God's call, and yet I do not know how to answer it.  When I move towards that call, things seem bright and easy.  When I move away from it, things seem dark and difficult.

I have heard that depression is anger turned inwards.  We become depressed because we are angry with ourselves.  When we are depressed, we do things that upset us even more.  It can be something as simple as being lazy and sleeping all day.  Then we look back on that wasted time, or those mistakes and we grow angrier with ourselves.  There are drugs and therapy that can help with those things, but the realization that you're doing this yourself isn't always enough to solve the problem.  You can't "snap out of it".  And yet people who have not been depressed cannot understand.

I think God understands, and that is why he calls us.  Not just so that we can do good, but so that we can feel good.  He forgives us our sins, big and little and he points us in a direction where we can say, "I feel happy about what I did today."

I hear the call, and yet I am still working on being still and just listening.

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