Cheating On Someone

But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)

Today's verse is second in a three-day series. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. Today's verse is for people who are thinking of cheating on someone else.

This verse provides wisdom for those think of cheating on their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. If you are so unhappy in your relationship that you will consider cheating, why are you still in that relationship? People who cheat are often looking for consolation and attention. The attention that they end up getting is often negative and hurtful. You can destroy your relationship not only with your significant other, but with friends and family who get caught in the crossfire.

If you are truly unhappy in your relationship, then you should resolve that relationship before moving onto a new one. As I mentioned yesterday, if you start a relationship by cheating, you are eroding the trust for your new relationship before it even starts because you both know that you cheated. If you are dating, ending the relationship should be relatively easy if you feel that is the right thing to do. It will still be painful, but you will be ready to move on.

If you are living with someone, the situation is more complicated. Living together is making a commitment - one that is not easily broken. You should examine why you want to leave. If it's for greener pastures, you are likely to be disappointed after the painful experience of moving out.

If you are married, you have made a commitment before your friends, God and your spouse to stick it out through thick and thin. You should examine why you're so willing to go back on that now. If you are willing to break your word this time, chances are you will be again. Only 30% of first marriages fail. 75% of second marriages fail. When you make that commitment, it is one that should be taken seriously. Jesus tells us the only acceptable reason for divorce is if you are cheated on. That doesn't mean that cheating is a get out of marriage free pass.

Cheating is ultimately a destructive choice for your relationships - both present and future. Keep that in mind when you are contemplating it.

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Cheating With Someone

²⁷"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)

Today's verse starts another three-day series due to absence. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. So this series is addressed in three parts to the three people in that kind of relationship. The first who are thinking of cheating with someone else. The second is for people who are thinking of cheating on someone else. The third for those who are being cheated on. I imagine these lessons will be painful for some, but I hope they will serve as guideposts for others if they are ever in this kind of situation in the future.

Today's verse is about cheating in our hearts. When you look at someone and think, "I want to be with that person," you are laying the groundwork for making that happen. You are thinking about how to make that happen - what to say and how to act. When that person is already with someone, you are tempting yourself to cheat.

Does this verse mean Jesus expects us to never look at anyone else and wonder, "what if?" I don't think so. But when you find yourself falling for someone in a relationship, and they feel the same, you have a responsibility to be mature about it. You should encourage the other person to end their former relationship before they start a new one with you. If they're just dating, this may be relatively simple. If they are married, then this should take some prayerful consideration on their part about why they want a divorce (more on this tomorrow.)

If the person is not willing to get out of their old relationship, this should be a signal to you that you are not that important to them. If the excitement of a new relationship is because of the cheating, then there isn't a real relationship there to begin with. The other reason for ending the old before beginning the new is if you start your relationship by cheating, you are destroying the trust in your new relationship. You both will know that the other is capable of cheating. You will both be suspicious of the other. That's not a good way to start a relationship.

Ultimately though, you should consider stepping back. It's ok to have feelings for someone. What you do with them is the important thing. You should avoid getting between other peoples' relationships. We are called to build each other up, not tear each other down. In today's verse Jesus warns us about thinking and day dreaming about cheating. Once you start thinking about it, it's easier to do it. So try not to think about it. Easy? Perhaps not always, but in the end it's the best thing for you and them.

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Pray for One Another

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

Romans 15:30 (NIV)

These words were written by Paul, and they are a reminder that we all need friends. We need help and support and prayer from them. We cannot do things on our own. At Kairos, Nicole and I split our small group into pairs for prayer partners. We ask people to tell each other what's going on in their lives. Then we ask them to pray for each other. It's something people usually aren't sure about but end up enjoying. It's something that's easy to do when you're there, but I doubt many people pray with their friends when they are home.

If you're like me, even suggesting to say grace when you're at lunch with your friends can feel a bit daunting. Especially if they're not all Christian. However usually if you suggest saying Grace, people agree. Though you usually get the joy of praying. ;) So the next time you're at lunch with friends, suggest saying Grace. It doesn't have to be long. "Thank you God," is easy enough to say. If your courage isn't quite there, considering bowing your own head for a moment and silently praying, "Thank you God." You'd be surprised the effect it can have on people.

If someone's having a bad day, you might consider praying with them as well. It sounds hokey, but it helps. It also tells the person you care enough to go out on a limb like that for them.

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Be Disciplined

⁷ The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Proverbs 1:7 (NIV)

Lately I've been a bit overwhelmed with all I've had to do to get myself and my kids ready for school. There's a LOT of paperwork, and I, being a procrastinator, put some of it off. I've been getting better lately, and yesterday when I dropped the kids off at school I had all my paperwork done. It was a very nice feeling.

So, today's verse is just a reminder to me and you to be disciplined. Get things done and you will be happier. This verse also has the lesson - you don't know it all, which is always a good one. Even more so for teenagers. :) What in your life should you be doing that you're avoiding?

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True Friendship

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)

Today's verse is inspired by Katie Gross. We haven't talked much this summer because we've both been busy. I got a note in the mail today that lifted my spirits in the middle of a rough week. I texted her to thank her to it and we caught up. A good friend is one that will pick you up when you fall, no matter how long it's been since you talked with them. Most of my best friends have moved away as I've grown up, but even if we haven't talked for months, I can call them up and talk to them. We pick up where we left off. We're there for each other.

Jesus is like that. It doesn't matter if we've forgotten about Him, gotten too busy for Him, or even have turned away from Him. He is always ready to catch up with us. He is always ready to support us. He never holds grudges if we haven't had time for Him, but is always happy to see us when we come back. One of the four Greek words we translate into "love" is philia. It is brotherly love. It is friendship. It is the love of someone who is there for you when you need them.

Not only does God provide people in our lives that we can turn to, but He is also there for us - one of our best friends. He was such a good friend that He gave his life for us so that we would not have to suffer eternal torment. How awesome is that?

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Following Isn't Always Fun

And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

Matthew 5:40 (NIV)

I had an experience this past week which made this passage active in my life. Some money was stolen at work that I was responsible for while it was in someone else's care. I took responsibility for it, and I paid the money back. I realized that I had not only given my tunic in the form of my reputation and trustworthiness at work, but I also gave my cloak as well in the form of paying back the money that someone else stole.

What I realized is that Jesus never says, "and be happy about it." I have been really upset about this. Something David Drebes said in his sermon at the vocations conference last week was, "It's not always fun to follow Jesus." Gathering with other Christians at events and during church is one of the rewards - the fun things - that we get to do as Christians. It's not all easy though. Sometimes it's downright tough.

So today I ask you to pray for me as I work through my own feelings from this experience. I also ask you to pray for whoever took the money; because while we are supposed to pray for our enemies, that doesn't mean we can't ask for help in doing it.

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Giving Back

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,

Ephesians 6:7 (NIV)

Yesterday in church the people who went to the National Youth Gathering reported on the event. Bill Meicke, one of the parents that went had this to say about what he learned from the trip, "If you have a strong faith what you need to do is give back."

Today's passage is about service. Specifically it is instructions for slaves to serve their earthly masters. Today I saw it is instructions for how we should serve others. We are supposed to put ourselves last. We are saved by grace, not works. Works are the fruit of our faith. So like Bill says, if we have faith then we need to be giving back - both in helping others, and in sharing our faith.

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Our Human Journey

⁹Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; ¹⁰take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.

Matthew 10:9-10 (NIV)

In my pastor's sermon today he read this quote:

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.

That thought brings new meaning to the above passage. Jesus doesn't call us to go out on a spiritual pilgrimage, but to go out on a lifelong journey. He tells us not to worry about material things, but instead to focus on our ministry. Our entire lives are a human journey, but they are not the only part of our existence - just one part.

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Fear and Crying

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:15

Last night a friend scared the stuffing out of me. She showed me a movie case in the movie store. It was a movie that I'd seen as a kid, and it scared me so much then that I avoid horror movies. It scared me so much last night that I shut my eyes and screamed like a little girl. It was all I could think about. I was so afraid I couldn't think of anything else. It was completely irrational. It took an hour for my heart to slow down. She thought it was hilarious. I did not.

As I thought back over the experience this morning, I realized that what upset me the most in the aftermath was that I was so afraid I couldn't reason with myself. I was jumping at shadows. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. It wasn't real, and as the above verse says, we do not have a spirit of fear.

I'm not sure I have a point today, just a story. What do you do when you're afraid?

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Walls

Then he sent his brothers away, and as they were leaving he said to them, "Don't quarrel on the way!"

Genesis 45:24 (NIV)

This verse was part of the passage during one of our worship services at the vocations conference. Kate Proctor preached a sermon on it, focusing on this verse. To set the stage, the speaker is Joseph. The one with the technicolor dreamcoat. His brothers sold him into slavery. He became the ruler of Egypt and when they came to him for help, not knowing it was him, he gave it to them - he even gave them more.

Kate's sermon was about the ways in which we quarrel with our siblings, both blood relatives and church relatives. What do you think of when you think of quarreling siblings? Kate thought of creating a wall between herself and her brother in the car seat on long car trips. She also thought of the things that we do to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and how we should act towards them.

What do you think of when you think of quarreling with your brothers and sisters? What kinds of walls are you putting up? What can you do to break down those walls - in a loving way? What can you do about the walls that others put up?

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God is Calling

¹¹If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 4:11 (NIV)

Today's verse is about service. As I am spending my week contemplating how I want to serve - and more importantly - how God wants me to serve, I invite you to do likewise. Some of you are going off to your first year of college. You get to create new identities - be someone different. Who are you going to be? Is church going to be a part of your life? What can you do to make that happen, and not just be lip service that is soon forgotten?

Some of you are going back to high school. You have to deal with the same old stuff you did last year. People know you. It's hard to be different - whether that's change in yourself or standing out from the crowd. How are you going to take Christ into your life when you go back to school?

Some of you are entering the workforce. You will be experiencing the harshness of life. You will be dealing with new people. Some will be jaded, hurt and mean. They will try to crush your dreams. How will you handle them? How will you keep your spirits up?

Some of you, like me, will have the same life you did yesterday. Things haven't changed. Have you? What will you do to show God's love to those around you? Will you forget about church and youth events and the things that seem so far away now that you're back in the real world?

If someone asks, will you talk about your faith?

Will you seek out fellow Christians this year in an effort to grow in your faith?

Will you serve those around you through God's strength, and not your own?

I don't have answers to these questions. I am not you.

God is calling. What will you do?

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Adminstering God's Grace

¹⁰Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Today's passage was inspired by an experience I had Sunday with my cell phone. It died. I had to go to the Apple store to get it fixed and I had about 5 minutes to get there due to extended goodbyes. :) So Sarah Yucha offered to go with me to help me find it. We got in my car, and it wouldn't start. :( Not one to give up, she said, "Let's take my jeep!" So we did. We drove into the Short Pump mall, which is a huge outdoor mall. It's a bit confusing if you have never been to one. Sarah knew where to look , and we literally walked into the store with seconds to spare.

It was like walking into California. People were everywhere hanging out with Macs. The salespeople/cashiers wandered the stores chatting with people. At the very back of the place were people in different shaded blue shirts. These were the "geniuses" I needed to fix my phone. I knew none of this. Sarah knew it all, and pointed to the screen taht showed my name like an airplane arrival list. We had made it in time. After a DMV-like wait in a coffee shop background, it was my turn. My phone was replaced in two minutes. I was back in business.

If it hadn't been for Sarah, and her dad who had suggested making the appointment that morning, my day would have been much more stressful than it was. After I learned my lesson about material things (see Monday's verse), God sent me someone to help me out. Sarah didn't use an encyclopedic knowledge of the Bible or share her faith story with me. She helped me out in a stressful time. She was calm, collected and smiling - her usual charming self. She helped me out in a small way, but it had a big impact on my life, and it made me thankful for her. It also made me thankful for the many other people that God puts in my life, and how on a daily basis they help me out in big and little ways. Today's picture is of a pink sunset. I chose it because it display's Meredith's talent of finding beauty everywhere, and because pink is Sarah's favorite color. :)

Who has God put in your life to help you today?

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Hospitality

⁸Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

1 Peter 4:8-9 (NIV)

For the next two days I will be away at the VA Synod Vocations Conference. It's where you learn about being a pastor. What you have to do, talk to people about what it's like and decide if it's something you really want to do. I went last year, and I'm going again this year. Last year was just to get a head start. This year it will hopefully be the first step on a new journey for me. Please pray for all those in attendance this week.

Since I'll be away again, I'm doing a series of three passages for the next three days. I was going to do three different passages on these three topics, but a single passage from 1 Peter 4 worked very well.

This past weekend I spent the weekend with Sarah Yucha's family. They were wonderful and gracious hosts. They fed us delicious food and helped us out in big ways and small. (See tomorrow's verse for more on that.) What struck me was how many families have opened up their homes to myself and others as part of the Kairos planning group process - and not just before Kairos, but after it. The Delaney household, and Dave's wife Nancy in particular is always so wonderful about us invading her house for half a week and then stealing her husband for another week after that. Jack French's family put us up last year and fed us blueberries until we burst (ok I ate most of them). My time there was one of the fondest memories I have of the 2008 Kairos week. This year Malinda Britt's family put us up and made us feel so welcome. Last year Justin Arnold's family and Mandy Fitzgerald's family shared the task of housing the planning group for a reunion. Their parents were so nice and glad to have us.

I mention all these families first because I am thankful for what they did for me and the other members of various planning groups they have housed. But I also mention it because every time I went into one of these houses I felt welcomed as a brother in Christ. I felt what Jesus talks about when he talks about welcoming people into your home. They didn't just open the door, but made us feel like we belonged. They took time out of their lives to get to know us and form relationships with us. They took time to have fellowship with us. These memories are some of the fondest I have of my past two Kairos, and I just wish that more people could share the experience.

My point? Fellowship is a wonderful experience - and it is not limited to Kairos or Winter Celebration or reunions or church narthexes. Fellowship is something you enjoy whenever you are with fellow Christians. Enjoy it. Seek it out. Offer it with joy. It will bring you and others so much more in return.

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Cell Phones Treasures

¹⁹"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV)

This verse is inspired by my Sunday, which started by my brand new iPhone no longer working. I lost my ability to call people, to connect with them, and to arrange meetings for the Watermelon Festival today. Luckily everyone I was with had a phone and had most of the numbers I needed. But not all of them. I found out how much I rely on my cell phone.

Further I found how much of a distraction my phone was. When it was broken I was sitting in church trying to listen to the sermon and I was running scenarios in my mind about what would happen when I brought my phone into the Apple store for repair. Then I started thinking about what today's verse was going to be.

So my conclusion is not to throw away your technology. But when it fails you, realize your life isn't over and don't obsess over it. I still had people to hang out with. It was all God. And when I finally let it go and got to the Apple the store, the guy behind the counter took about 30 seconds to look at my phone and just gave me a new one. Having said that, back up your cell phone. It's a very good thing to do. :)

For me, I found that while I did complain a bit about my cell phone breaking; and fret about not meeting up with all the people I planned to (sorry Sarah, Suzanna and Meggie), I was able to take that step back and enjoy what I did have. Regardless of your situation, God gives us things to be thankful for. So when stuff happens, look for the silver lining and remember your friends' value is in their company, not their contact info in your phone.

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Be Imitators of God

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2 (NIV)

Our third verse for this weekend is from today's lessons. We come back to our first verse, where Jesus tells us to love like Him. We add in the idea of not just loving, but of living. Live a life of love. If we are living a life of love, the verse tells us, we are a living sacrifice, giving of ourselves for others. We love one another as Jesus loves us. We carry each other's burdens. We live a life of sacrifice.

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Carry Each Other's Burdens

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

Continuing our theme from yesterday, of Jesus' command to love one another, we have this verse. This verse talks specifically about how to love one another. Carry each other's burdens. What does this mean? Help each other out. When you see someone struggling with something, offer your assistance. This doesn't mean just carrying the groceries. It encompasses more. If you see a friend who is sad, comfort them. If you see a Facebook status that indicates something is wrong, send that person a message and see what's up.

Those are relatively easy ways to carry soemone else's burden. If you know your friend is doing something wrong, say something to them. Support them if they're trying to quit something they shouldn't be doing. Keep them accountable. Keep them away from that boy who keeps hurting them, or that girl that keeps using them, or those cigarettes, that beer - whatever they need help with. Carry their burden because that is what God has asked you to do. Love one another.

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Love Each Other

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

John 15:12 (NIV)

Today's verse is part of a three-parter for the weekend. The theme is following Jesus' commandment to love one another, and how the Bible tells us to do that. Today we have Jesus telling us to love one another as He loves us. He set an example and He asks us to follow it.

Every time I think what it means to love like Christ, I think about loving those I would first judge. For me, that's people who aren't Christians, and people who have politically different opinions. I find myself often disregarding what they have to say and not wanting to associate with them. So when I think about this, I think about not just tolerating, but trying to understand people who have different points of view. Then when I encounter people who don't think as I do, I have a loving way of relating to them and disagreeing without judging, and without acrimony (being mean).

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Basket of Love and Grace - Free Refills

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

I John 4:9 (NIV)

This verse immediately made me think of our response to it. The Great Commission is Jesus' instructions for us to go out into the world and share the good news. This verse is God showing us what he did for us before he asked us to go out into the world. The Great Commission isn't just orders we follow, but our response to the wonderful gifts of love and grace that God has given us. Even more that, it is God saying, "Hey I have this bottomless basket of fish and bread - go share it." Except it's a bottomless basket of grace and love, and the more we give, the more we receive - both for our own lives and to share with others.

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Life by the Spirit

¹⁶So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. ¹⁷For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. ¹⁸But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

Galatians 5:16-17 (NIV)

My handy dandy random Bible verse generator came up with this one. I like it - it's pretty straightforward - don't do bad stuff. I'm listening to Superchic[k], a band suggested to me by Maggie Christ. It took me like a year, but I finally bought one of their albums and it came today. :) The song I'm listening to now is called "One and Lonely". It started by talking about reality TV and not living the way the rest of the world lives. That's what this verse is about.

Being justified by grace doesn't mean we have a free license to sin. That's cheap grace. Instead we have to do something - we have to make an effort. Specifically live by the Spirit. We have to do the things we know we should, even when we don't want to. We have to steer away from the temptations that are in our lives. Sounds hard, right? It is. we have a sinful nature - we're drawn to sin. Every day is a new battle, but also a new day to succeed where we may have failed the day before.

Being a Christian isn't making a decision and putting Jesus in our pocket. It's a way of life. God gives his grace freely, but there is a response, and that's where they idea of costly grace comes in. God gives us grace and then takes up a free love offering. What are you going to put in the plate today?

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Praising An Awesome God

¹ I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

² Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

³ Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

⁴ One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

⁵ They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

⁶ They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

⁷ They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

Psalm 145:1-8 (NIV)

My iPod played "Awesome God" twice in a row and I took it as a sign. Today was a rather rough day for me. Nothing spectacular, but lots of little things that added up to something less than wonderful. Despite this there were good things in my day. I spent most of it in the company of Patrick Powell - one of my youth who is all grown up and working with me. We did lunch and dinner and his enthusiasm for life was a very nice thing to have today. The picture I chose today is a sunset captured by Alyssa that displays God's power and beauty. As I looked at the photo I could almost see the clouds moving. How majestic!

Sometimes despite the things going on, God sends us what we need to continue on. When Jesus gave us the Lord's prayer, he gave us more than just words to say. He gave us a pattern to follow. It satrts with praise, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name." The psalm today is the start of a prayer. It is the start of mine today, and I encourage you to make it yours. Start your prayers with praise and then ask God for the things you need.

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