Cheating With Someone

²⁷"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)

Today's verse starts another three-day series due to absence. I have been talking with a number of people about cheating lately, both spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends. So this series is addressed in three parts to the three people in that kind of relationship. The first who are thinking of cheating with someone else. The second is for people who are thinking of cheating on someone else. The third for those who are being cheated on. I imagine these lessons will be painful for some, but I hope they will serve as guideposts for others if they are ever in this kind of situation in the future.

Today's verse is about cheating in our hearts. When you look at someone and think, "I want to be with that person," you are laying the groundwork for making that happen. You are thinking about how to make that happen - what to say and how to act. When that person is already with someone, you are tempting yourself to cheat.

Does this verse mean Jesus expects us to never look at anyone else and wonder, "what if?" I don't think so. But when you find yourself falling for someone in a relationship, and they feel the same, you have a responsibility to be mature about it. You should encourage the other person to end their former relationship before they start a new one with you. If they're just dating, this may be relatively simple. If they are married, then this should take some prayerful consideration on their part about why they want a divorce (more on this tomorrow.)

If the person is not willing to get out of their old relationship, this should be a signal to you that you are not that important to them. If the excitement of a new relationship is because of the cheating, then there isn't a real relationship there to begin with. The other reason for ending the old before beginning the new is if you start your relationship by cheating, you are destroying the trust in your new relationship. You both will know that the other is capable of cheating. You will both be suspicious of the other. That's not a good way to start a relationship.

Ultimately though, you should consider stepping back. It's ok to have feelings for someone. What you do with them is the important thing. You should avoid getting between other peoples' relationships. We are called to build each other up, not tear each other down. In today's verse Jesus warns us about thinking and day dreaming about cheating. Once you start thinking about it, it's easier to do it. So try not to think about it. Easy? Perhaps not always, but in the end it's the best thing for you and them.

http://kairosverse.blogspot.com